Tonight, on The Walking Dead

Well here we are kids. The final hours before The Walking Dead finale. Before we’re left for months wanting more, wanting answers; feeling alone and abandoned without our favourite zombie apocalypse. How will the show end tonight? Who will be left standing? And what, in God’s name, is Terminus? 

A lot happened last week, but I won’t bore you with the details. My recaps have become long winded as of late, because I’m not really writing about anything else, and I have zero filter when it comes to words in any form. Seriously, have you ever had a conversation with me? I should have a Britta Filter installed in my face so I’ll keep things to myself.

Anyways, to sum up the happenings of last week, Glenn and Tara managed to finally catch up to Maggie (their reunion was tearjearkingly heartwarming), Eugene made the executive decision to continue with them to Terminus, which they finally reach, Daryl is hanging out with those mean dudes (who shall henceforth be known as The Marauders), and they are hot on the trail of the Grimes’ crew.

Now the finale is set up with a few questions to answer. Most importantly, what is Terminus? Sure they’ve got pretty gardens and were greeted by Tasha Yar, but there’s no way it’s all sunshine and lollipops. That’d be too easy. My guess is it’s a religious cult of some kind. No place is that calm and welcoming without having some cultish undertones. I also think they’re the people who scooped up Beth a few weeks ago, and are keeping her captive for some reason or another. What their sinister motive is, I’m not sure. I doubt they’re walker worshippers, because we just crossed that bridge with Lizzie. Maybe it’s some kind of Handmaid’s Tale deal, and they’re fanatics trying to repopulate the earth. Or maybe they’re super into human sacrifices to appease their hippie god? Whatever it is, these people are going to turn out to be bad news.

On the other hand, it could be all peace and puppy dogs, and The Marauders come in and fuck it up. But again, that’s been done with the two season long showdown with The Governer. I do think that we’re going to see these baddies catch up to Rick, Carl, and Michonne though, which is going to put Daryl in a really tight spot. While it would be shocking to see the confrontation kill a main character, I do think the show runners would be bananas to kill off another member of the Grimes’ family, or do in the fan favourites, Michonne and Daryl.

There’s no way all of the characters will make it out of this season alive though. If past finales have taught us anything, the final episode is where we’re going to feel the most grief. From the CDC, to Shane, to Andrea, the finales have not been kind to our group of survivors. So the question is, who will be featured on the In Memorial tonight on The Talking Dead? My money is definitely on either Sasha or Bob. They’re both minor enough characters that the audience won’t give more than a “aww shucks”, but important enough to someone else that they can act as an emotional catalyst for another character. I also worry about the fate of Beth. Sure we got to know her a lot this season, but was it just to make us hurt more when she dies? It will destroy Maggie, do some serious damage to Daryl, and cause some devastation amonst the viewers. Kind of the perfect recipe for a death on this show.

But in the end, who really knows? Even as a reader of the comics, I have no idea what’s going to happen tonight. All I can say for sure is that I’ll probably be stress eating throughout the hour, I may throw something in the final ten minutes, and the level of profanity coming out of my mouth will escalade as the finale marches on.

Anyone else have any ideas of what will happen tonight?

American Hustle (or, the Golden Globe winning debut of Amy Adams’ sideboob)

Every year I set out to see all of the possible Oscar nominated flicks, and every year I realize that I don’t like being sad all that much, and hate wallowing in white guilt, so I inevitably give up. This year is no different, but I gave up before I even began. I don’t think I could sit through 12 Years a Slave on the big screen without having a complete emotional breakdown (unless I picture Chiwetel Ejiofor as The Operative from Serenity the whole time, but I feel like that would really ruin the whole point of the movie). One movie I have seen from this season’s crop is American Hustle, and damn, is it fantastic.

(sideboob. image courtesy of imdb.com)

The movie stars Christian Bale as Irving Rosenfeld, a swuave, charming, con-man with an epic combover, who meets Sydner Prosser, (played by Amy Adams (and her sideboob*)) at a pool party and instantly falls in love with her. The pair (along with Amy Adam’s sideboob) join forces in an effort to con a bunch of desperate dudes out of thousands of dollars, with a false promise of a return that will never come. Unfortunately, a con this simple (albeit brilliant) can’t last for long, no matter how great Amy Adam’s British accent is, and how much sideboob she shows.

Enter Richie Dimaso (Bradley Cooper), an FBI agent with a fantastic perm, and a plan. Using Rosenfeld’s brains and Prosser’s sideboob, he wants to set up a sting to take down dirty politicians. Knowing it’s their only option to avoid arrest, the pair play along. Over time, Dimaso’s plan grows exponentially, as do their problems. I should take this opportunity to mention that while he’s gallavanting around with Sydney (and her sideboob), Irving is married with a son. His wife Rosalyn (played by the phenomenal Jennifer Lawrence), knows what Irving does for a living, and while she doesn’t know specifics, and always seems to be a dirty martini away from going completely off the rails, she knows enough to be potentially damaging to the con. Add her insanity to the looming threat from the mob, and the fact that they’re criminals working for the feds, well, Irving and Sydney have to figure out a way to come out of this on top.

I loved this flick. And the more I think about it, the more impressed I am. The movie was not at all what I expected. The trailers make the it out to be a fast paced, heist-y affair; like Ocean’s Eleven with a perm. This is not really the case. I really hesitate to use the term “slower than expected” when describing American Hustle, because attributing the term “slow” to a movie seems like a negative connotation. Like saying a beer is bitter, or chocolate is chalky – it makes it sound undesirable. But you know what, some of the best beer is bitter, quality dark chocolate is chalky, and American Hustle is a brilliant, slower, movie.

The slower pace doesn’t come from a dragging plot; the story moves along just fine. But it also takes pause to turn these four, strange people, into fully developed, beautifully tragic characters. And the actors bring them to life with charm and grace. Christian Bale completely disappears into Irving, and not just because of the physical changes from Batman (Bale put on a sexy 40 pounds for the role). His performance is so… all encompassing, that I’ve talked to people that didn’t even realize it was him until it was pointed out.

It’s really the women of the movie that take the cake (and the Golden Globes Sunday night). Jennifer Lawrence’s portrayal of Rosalyn is gorgeous. The character is a little unhinged, slightly intoxicated, and is susceptible to bouts of hysteria. This could easily make her gratingly annoying, or turn her into a poor man’s Karen Walker (because anyone’s Karen Walker would be poor unless they’re Megan Mullaly. Which J-Law is not). But Lawrence manages to find a layer of vulnerability amidst the funny, that makes the audience want to hug her, while cringing the second she comes on screen because you know something could potentially go wrong at any second.

Amy Adams does a similar thing with Sydney. As a lady con artist, Sydney is a woman who has reinvented herself after being broken by the world one too many times. She is hardened, she is clever, but Adams gives her so much depth, and so many layers, that there are moments you can see that she is one catastrophe away from being broken all over again. Plus her sideboob is bangin’. I’d like to note, that I only mention her boobs excessively because I am jealous that she a) has the confidence and b) has the rack, to wear those plunging neck lines the whole movie. Amy Adams is a rockstar.

Then there’s Bradley Cooper, who, since Alias, I have a hard time seeing as anyone but Will Tippin. Even if he is rockin’ a late 70s perm. What can I say? I latch on and refuse to let go. Case and point: I saw Elisabeth Moss‘ win at the Globes last night as a win for the Bartlett family. I have problems and should probably seek counselling. Don’t get me wrong, his perfomance is wonderful, I’m just ridiculous.

Jeremy Renner is delightful as well as the corrupt mayor, Carmine Polito, Louis C.K. is hilarious as Dimaso’s FBI boss, and the rest of the supporting cast sells the story and the era flawlessly.

While this is the only “Award Season” movie I’ve seen so far, I can hardly say “this is the one to see” with any credibility. But I can say that American Hustle is a wonderful movie. The story is great, the characters are fantastic, and the actors blow the whole thing out of the water. If you get a chance, check this flick out. And be sure to throw it some love in your Oscar pool, because these guys will definitely deliver.

*I’ve had a discussion with my male friends over whether or not Amy Adam is showing gratuitous sideboob or cleavage during this film. They all ruled on the side of cleavage, but I prefer the term sideboob so I stuck with it. Suck it.

Well if one thing’s clear, it’s that I’m terrible at updating this damn thing.

I have a million excuses regarding my lack of updates. My laptop has crapped out, work has been crazy, I’ve caught some terrible colds, but at the end of the day it all has to do with self motivation. I’ve had plenty of time to write as of late, but sometimes, at the end of the day, all you want to do is play some Call of Duty and shoot strangers in the face with an AN-94 (although in my case, “get shot in the face with an AN-94 by strangers” would be a more accurate depiction of my nights). When this is your primary thought process, it makes it really hard to keep up with writing and the whole being productive thing.

Over the holidays, however, I got spoiled rotten by my amazingly supportive family. In an effort to encourage me to write more (and stop being so goddamn lazy), my parents got me a tablet, so I can bring my writing with me wherever I go, and my uncles got me a sweet ass bluetooth keyboard. Now the only thing standing in the way of me writing, is me. Since writing more was a New Years Resolution and I’m just sitting down now on the 11th, I really have some work to do when it comes to motivation. But work on it I will, and I have a group of wonderful, inspiring, and motivating people behind me.

Although I can’t promise that I’ll ever be able to turn down my boyfriend when he hands me an Xbox controller and asks, “Want to shoot some shit?” No woman is that strong.

Date Night Movie: Don Jon

As two bartenders in the same bar, it’s very rare that my boyfriend and I get a night off together. Extremely rare I’d even say. So when one of these ellusive nights off occur, we like to do one of two things. We either order in an obsene amount of food, watch terrible TV and play video games, or we go see a movie. Since I’m sure no one wants to hear about how much Chinese food two nerds can eat during a Grand Theft Auto binge session, I’ll be writing a lot about the movies.

While the boyfriend (I know everyone reading this knows me, or us, personally, but in case there are some strangers out there I’m going to leave him anonymous until he gives me permission to do otherwise) and I are very similar, when it comes to movies we do have slightly different tastes. He lives under the philosophy that more explosions means a better movie, while I enjoy a more subtle approach to my film making. However, we do always agree on a comedy, which is how we decided to go see Don Jon last week. That was a long winded intro.

Don Jon (2013)
Starring: Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Scarlett Johansson, Julianne Moore)
Written By: Joseph Gordon-Levitt
Directed By: Joseph Gordon-Levitt

(image courtesy of screenslam.com)

Mom and Dads

The first two shows on my Fall TV chopping block are the parental sitcoms, Mom and Dads. Or, as I like to call them, “I’m upset these TV shows have the same names as my parents, and you should be too”. While both of these shows contain a star I’m rather fond of (Allison Janney and Seth Green), they’re both stunning examples of cheap, tired comedy that really isn’t worth your time.

Mom (CBS)
Starring: Anna Farris, Alilson Janney, Nate Goddry
Created By: Eddie Gorodetsky, Chuck Lorre, Gemma Baker

(image courtesy of CBS)

Premise: Christy (Faris), a newly sober young mother, tries to get her life back in order with the help of her own recovering alcoholic mother, Bonnie (Janney).

Reality: I’m not sure who’s worse at creating female characters, Chuck Lorre or Christopher Nolan. At least with Nolan his female characters are just barely existing on the sidelines. In Mom however, all we’ve got leading the charge are one-dimensional females.

The premise does have promise; a single mother struggling to stay sober and not follow in her own mother’s footsteps could be a heartbreakingly uplifting show (Yes, that oxymoron makes sense. Shut it). And as we learned from 28 Days or Starved, there’s some comedy to be had in recovery. However, Mom doesn’t rely on subtle, smart, thematic comedy. The show exists for cheap laughs, and plotlines that manage to glamourize alcoholism, drug abuse, and teen pregnancy. Oh did I forget to mention that while Christy is attempting to stay sober with Bonnie breathing down her neck, her own teen daughter gets knocked up? And her mom and grandma are happy about it? It’s a good thing women were only put on this earth to look good and pop out babies while they’re still under age, or some people might find this ridiculous.

The biggest saving grace of the show is the goddess that is Allison Janney. It pains me that the material she has been given is so terrible, but at least her talent is big enough to pull it off. Seriously. She can make anything funny. Even tired jokes about her character’s drinking days render a chuckle due to her brilliant timing, which is a nice counter point to Anna Faris’ “Scary Movie School of Comedy”.

My other favourite part of this show is the restaurant humor. Cindy works as a waitress (oh yeah, I forgot to mention Cindy’s also sleeping with her restaurant manager. Go feminism…?) in a fancy restaurant, and the jokes that come out of her workplace are the funniest ones of the show. Ok, I’ll admit, my opinion on this matter might be biased because I work 40-50 hours a week at a bar, but there’s something about French Stewart‘s chef character that I find hilarious.

Overall, I’d say if you need cheap, easy, girl-time comedy, this show is ok. Bring it On might be a better option, but this will do too. It’s just sad that Mom skips the opportunity to be a groundbreaking comedy about recovery, to rely on cheap jokes, female stereotypes, and Anna Faris’ big eyes.

Dads (Fox)

(image courtesy of Fox)

Starring: Seth Green, Giovanni Ribisi, Peter Riegert, Martin Mull
Created by: Alec Sulkin, Wellesley Wild
Executive Producer: Seth MacFarlane (I only mention his EP credit as it was one of the draws to the show to me)

Premise: Two grown men video game designers have to readjust their lives after their fathers surprisingly move in with them.

Reality: Oy with the poodles already. Where do I start with this one?
If there are two men I trust to dance around the line of appropriate, it’s Seth Green and Macfarlane. I love me some Family Guy and Robot Chicken. This show, however, is nothing short of a mysoginist disaster. Seriously. The whole show is made up of pathetic attempts to be edgey that ends up sexist and borderline racist. It’s not dancing around the line of appropriate, Dads has lined up Archie Bunker‘s greatest hits and butchered them. The mysoginist jokes in this swill make Charlie Sheen‘s turn in Two and a Half Men look like feminist literature.

Dads did get two things right though.
1) The two dad characters reaffirm a belief I picked up bartending: the older men get, the fewer manners they hold on to (and the older they get, the higher my desire is to punch them in the throat).
2) The son characters as video game designers sum up how most female gamers feel about the video game industry in general: it’s full of immature dudes who wouldn’t know how to write or treat a female if their life depended on it.

Other that that, this show is not worth your time, unless you have a grumpy old grandpa you need to entertain. But even then, I like to think my Papa has better taste than this. And he still asks me to pull his finger.

Welcome Back, Me.

Once upon a time, I fancied myself a writer. There was nothing I enjoyed more than putting pen to paper, or hands to a keyboard. In my late teens and early twenties, I was a habitual journal keeper, and it was rare that a day went by that I didn’t write something.

A few years back, while working a mind numbing office job, I decided to combine my love of writing with my love of all things pop culture, and share it with the world in the form of a blog. This blog. It started slowly, but soon I was posting several times a week. The feedback I was receiving was generally positive (aside from a Lea Michele fan I really pissed off), and after several celebrity retweets, I was getting a good number of hits a day. Kevin Smith reading my blog still stands as one of my greatest life accomplishments.

As things progressed, I decided to step up my game and attempt to turn my semi-personal food and review blog, into a full-blown TV recap site. It was a huge undertaking, but I was up for the challenge and was loving it. Then the office job ended and I moved back to Toronto to reenter the charming world of the service industry. But you know what’s really hard, guys? Writing and recapping TV when you work nights and don’t have a PVR.

But for a year, I killed my internet download limit streaming all of the shows I missed, stopped sleeping to catch up on my writing (although I was working two jobs on opposite schedules so I wasn’t really sleeping anyways) and made it work.

As you can imagine, this balancing act could only last so long. With two jobs, over 10 TV shows to watch and write about, and a wavering attempt to maintain a social life, I quickly became overwhelmed. Soon, not only was I missing weeks of writing, but also shifts at work. I still don’t know why Starbucks didn’t fire me (it must have been my sparkling personality). I started to feel this self-inflicted pressure to keep up with my own blog, and this thing that I used to love slowly turned into a chore.

When I started looking at my laptop with a sense of dread and loathing, I decided I really needed to take a break.

So, for my sanity, I stepped away from my desire to be a prominent internet writer, and writing all together. Until now that is. In all honesty, I miss it a lot. And I’m also worried I’m losing brainpower by not exercising the old girl as often as I should. See? I started a sentence with a conjunction. I’m slipping. It’s time for a relaunch.

Now I’m back to it. The writing that is. I’m not ready to fully re-immerse myself to the stress of TV blogging on the regular, especially since I’m still bartending nights and am still PVRless. But I will be writing again (much to my mother’s delight), and you will find it all – recaps, reviews, rants, thoughts, and when I’m feeling extraordinarily bitter, lessons to the general public on how to treat people in the service industry – right here.

I guess this was just a very long, self-indulgent way to say welcome to my blog. Again. Or something.

Let’s see how this goes.

A Personal Interest

To put it simply, there’s a lot of great TV out there no matter what you’re looking for. This is known.

Whether it’s tugging our heartstrings with its stories and characters, thrilling and exciting us with its high-action sequences, or inspiring a rabid following to create coverage like this very blog, television has long since left the simplistic label of ‘pastime’ behind and evolved into a full-fledged art form that impacts our day-to-day lives. And in this advanced world of 500-plus cable channels, chances are there’s something on somewhere that will fulfill the needs of every person on earth – even my Dad and his god awful Antiques Roadshow (I’ll admit, I hate this show not because it’s bad, but more because it was on all the fucking time in my house).

But there are consequences for getting too wrapped up in TV, consequences that can impact you as deeply as any other emotional attachment regardless of it not being ‘real’. Eventually, no matter how much money it makes and how many people watch it, a show will run out of story and come to an end. Even the most cookie-cutter, single-serving-episode-based show will eventually play itself out, as the end of NBC’s Law & Order can attest. One day, your questions will be answered (if you’re lucky), your favourite characters will cease their weekly visits, your worries and fears will be laid to rest, and you’ll find yourself with a TV-shaped hole in your heart as the show signs off for the final time. It’s the sad part of loving TV – but, let’s be honest, if TV shows went on forever, we probably wouldn’t care about it as much.

I came face-to-face with such consequences with the end of one of my favourite television shows in 25 years of roaming this earth, Lost. While the end of Lost was supremely unsatisfying to some, for me it was an appropriate ending for a show that was ultimately more about the characters than the plot. And let’s be honest, ABC had more to do with fucking that show up than the writers – had Lost been an HBO show, it’d be rivaling The Wire as the greatest show to ever grace TV (okay, slight exaggeration).

Lost was great for its grand imagination, for its scope; for having the audacity of stringing its audience along with complicated plots and cliffhangers in a world where flashy, bite-sized, dumbed-down television shows are infinitely more popular and profitable (just look at all the American Idol copycats for proof). Lost satisfied me on multiple levels in a way I haven’t felt since the glory years of The X-Files, though both ultimately suffered from trying to take on too much. But we’re not here to haggle over the merits of Lost – we’re here to find out where a post-Lost fan goes to fill that aforementioned-hole.

Which brings us to Person of Interest, the reason you’re reading the words of some random newcomer to My Life As Rach. For those living under a rock, Person of Interest is the brainchild of J.J. Abrams and Jonathan Nolan, the former being a TV and Movie producing rockstar and the latter a co-author for many of the Christopher Nolan blockbusters like The Dark Night and Memento. The show premiered two weeks ago on September 22nd, 2011, and has quickly become the centre-piece of CBS’s new fall lineup, even bumping CSI out of its Thursday night home (where it’s been for over 10 years!).

The show hits many of the same notes as Lost – a grand scale, mysterious characters, a lot of little hints and foreshadowing – and brings back the incredibly talented Michael Emerson as Mr. Finch, a character we know even less about then Benjamin Linus, Emerson’s previous role. Emerson is paired with the Matthew Fox look-a-like Jim Caviezel, who’s more known for his movies like The Thin Red Line and Passion of the Christ than for any TV roles, but likely has the acting chops to match Emerson (who practically carried Lost through its mid-series lull with his incredible range).

The show is based on a simple enough premise: in a post-9/11 world, the government has a machine created to watch and collect information on everyone, everywhere, in an effort to forestall another terrorist attack. With any non-terrorist info being labelled as ‘irrelevant’ (and therefore deleted each night), Finch takes it upon himself to use this ‘irrelevant’ info for good, and hires ex-CIA Agent (and super-disturbed-for-vague-reasons-that-will-no-doubt-play-out-in-time) John Reese (Caviezel) to help.

But even with all the familiar trappings, I’m not sure what to expect out of Person of Interest, long term. It’s hard for me to imagine caring about these characters anywhere close to as much as Lost, and while the plot has a decent enough hook, it’s not like a grand machine that sees everything is an entirely new idea (Eagle Eye, anyone? Heck, even Early Edition touched this note).

Which ultimately brings me back to Abrams & Nolan, two guys who have some serious accolades and are both accomplished story tellers in their own rights. One has to imagine these two would want to do something much greater than the single-serving episodes we see everywhere in primetime (like the 3000 hours of CSIs that play every week) – and with the early ratings for the first to episodes soaring well into the double-digits in rating points, it looks like they’ll get enough leach to explore this world a little more.

The show’s third episode hits this Thursday at 9/8c on CBS (or Citytv for Canadians, or the internet for everyone), and it will be the subject of my weekly feature here on My Life As Rach, as I make those first tentative steps back into the world of television.

A Friendly Reminder…

Hello Friends,

I promise regular updates on the important things in life (TV, movies, food etc) will resume shortly; work is kicking my ass at the moment. This is just a friendly reminder to everyone I know who lives in canada:

VOTE!!!!

Please. I don’t care how busy you are, how tired you are, how lazy you are, please get out there and vote.

If you do not, you have no right to bitch and moan when all of our health care and education dollars go to buying new fighter jets or some other army toy for Harper to play with.

So please, grab your coat, some ID and a piece of mail, get your ass out there and vote.

Or we won’t be friends anymore.

A TV Week in Review – 3 for 1!

Wow have I fallen behind. In my defense, I did catch a wicked cold that left me completely useless for a good couple of day. By useless I mean I didn’t leave my couch for over 24 hours except to eat and pee, and even that was a struggle. Anyways, in an attempt to get back on track with the whole TV blogging thing, I’m going to try to cover 3 weeks of TV in as few words as humanly possible. So, welcome to the most sarcastic, glib, and condensed recap of television I have ever done. Let’s do this shit!

The Cape

Goggles and Hicks

 

Yeah because these two will be able to take down The Cape...

Fleming has hired two dudes, Goggles and Hicks, to track down and kill The Cape. Goggles is a big fat dude who looks like he wants to be Bubbles from the Trailer Park Boys, and Hicks is a creepy little guy who reminds me of a less attractive Ryan Gosling. Anyhoo, using crazy tracking technology the pair manage to track down The Cape and figure out that he’s the supposedly dead Vince Faraday. Fortunately for Vince, he kidnaps Goggles who happens to be the brains of the operation, leaving Hicks unable to finish his assassination assignment. Vince lives to fight another day… but if the show continues to get any worse, I’m going to be jumping onto the Fleming side of things.

Lich Part 1

 

The Cape seeks help in some unlikely places this week. Unfortunately there's no helping this writing...

Worst first half to a 2-part episode EVER. I barely care about what happens in the second half… to the point where the first half aired over a week ago and I still haven’t watched the full second half. The fact that this show is so bad kind of breaks my heart. Anyways, Fleming wants to buy a part of Palm City so he can be all bad and evil, and Vince wants to put a stop to it. The only way that Fleming can be stopped however, is to find the supposedly dead son of the original founders of the city, Charles Conrad. So Orwell hops on the Conrad search while Vince and Max attempt to find a guy that is going to spray the crowd at the Founder’s Day Parade with a neurotoxin. The guys find the neurotoxin dude, but it turns out he’s not working alone. His accomplice is the one and only Charles Conrad, who Orwell learns is evil just a little too late.

The Lich Part 2

 

Creepiest Wedding Ever?

Conrad has Orwell captured and hooked up to some paralytic neurotoxin, and he’s decided that while she’s in this catatonic state, he’s going to marry her… then bury her alive and resurrect her… or something to that effect. Orwell is living in a dream world where there’s always a white door, she’s marrying Vince, and Fleming is her father; who knows if either of those things are true. I do have to say though, watching her in a River Tam-like state made me very happy. Vince and Max set out to capture Conrad, who they have learned is actually a big bad named Lich that the cops were never able to find. Vince seeks out Dana’s help so he can interrogate the old guy from last week, and while she’s watching The Cape ask questions, she’s reminded of her dead husband… maybe she’ll figure out hat she’s not dead after all. Vince and Max save Orwell, but even after she’s all anecdoted and whatnot, she still sees a white door. Girl may be a little crazy… especially if Fleming is her father.

Chuck

Chuck Vs. The Seduction Impossible

 

An appropriate time as ever to discuss wedding plans...

After the resolution packed previous episode, Chuck has returned to a fun episodic nature for a few weeks. This ep brought back the seduction master himself, Roan Macgomery, who has found himself captured by a sexy arms dealer and her army of super hot women. Sarah, Chuck and Casey, who have been trapped in new baby/wedding plans land are stoked to go and save the seduction master, especially when it seems that Beckman has some personal stakes in his rescue. While they’re saving Roan, Chuck and Sarah bicker over wedding plans. Chuck wants to go traditional, Sarah wants to elope, and they both try to use Roan’s seduction techniques to get the other party to cave. Clearly Sarah is more successful. After a couple of mishaps, including Casey living in the bad lady’s walls for a week, Roan is home safe and sound and him and Beckman have a little rendezvous. Sarah reveals that she wants to elope so she doesn’t have to deal with her family and her past. Chuck is convinced that they can handle anything together… which leads us to next week.

Chuck vs. The CAT Squad

 

Move over Charlie's Angels, CAT Squad FTW

In an attempt to get Sarah in touch her girlfriends from her past, Chuck calls in her old spy team: the CAT (Clandestine Attack Team) Squad. Think Charlie’s Angels but with 4 girls instead of 3, and a lot more cattiness. See, Sarah accused one of the other girls, Zondra, of working for a bad guy and well; the team was never quite the same. Even with all of the time that has passed, old wounds haven’t healed… which leads to a pretty awesome fight between Sarah and Zondra as they duke it out. Meanwhile, Carina, who is part of the squad, has decided that since Morgan is off the market, he’s a lot more desirable. Her passes at him are relentless, and cause a lot of problems between the little man and Alex. Luckily, before he completely ruins things with his special lady, he finds the balls to tell her that he’s in love with her. Carina puts her foot in her mouth and all is well in Morgan and Alex land. As far as the CAT Squad goes, turns out that Zondra wasn’t the traitor, the overly happy Amy was. So the blonde bitch is carted off and the remaining three ladies decide that they should remain friends and be Sarah’s bridesmaids. But that’s not the only wedding planning that gets accomplished this week; Sarah asks Ellie to be her Maid of Honour, and Ellie of course says yes.

Chuck vs. the Masquerade

 

Masquerade ball... fun or creepy?

And we’re back to the overarching storyline of the season, as a crazy dude is in search of “the key”, the one thing that can save Alexei Volcoff’s empire. After killing all of Volcoff’s main guys, crazy guy goes after his daughter. Team Bartowski is pulled away from their Valentine’s celebrations (which includes some form of blindfolded erotic meditation of you’re Morgan and Alex) and put on protection duty. Volcoff’s daughter, Vivian, has no idea what the key even is, but crazy guy is coming after her anyways. Of course Team Bartowski is awesome, and they manage to kill crazy guy and keep him from reconstructing Volcoff’s work. However, they don’t stop Volcoff Industries from coming back entirely as Vivian has decided to take over for her father. Ladies and Gents, we may have a new Big Bad for the rest of season 4.

Castle

Lucky Stiff

 

"What would you do with 150 million dollars?

A lottery winner is found dead by his butler, and with frivolous spending, a rocky marriage, a daughter involved with a drug dealer and being a rich white guy working in a poor black neighbourhood, the suspect list is astronomical. While it would have been great to be able to say the butler did it, the show passes at that opportunity in favour of something a little darker. See, the lottery winner victim actually stole the winning ticket from an elderly neighbour who passed away the night he won the money. The old guy’s son found out and decided he wanted what was rightfully his. All he ended up with however, were murder charges and life in prison. Meanwhile, the team discusses what they would do if they were suddenly wealthy. Beckett is the only one who doesn’t join in the discussion, so Castle – who already has a bunch of money – is determined to figure out Beckett’s dream. By the end of the show, he has her figured out, and he creates a scholarship in her mother’s name. It’s a very sweet, touching moment.

The Final Nail

 

When one of Castle's old boarding school buddies is accused of murder, Castle calls in the brains of the family to give him a hand

A woman is killed in her living room while her husband is out, so obviously the husband becomes the prime suspect. This is made a little difficult by the fact that the husband is one of Castle’s oldest friends. While Beckett is determined the husband did it – the guy’s father was murdered decades earlier in a case that went unsolved – Castle promises to prove his friend’s innocence. There’s a lot of back and forth as to who is really guilty, but when Castle goes back to solve the Dad’s murder, he sheds a lot of light on the wife’s murder as well. See, buddy’s Dad was worth millions, so he paid a guy at boarding school to off his father. When he squandered his inheritance, he decided to kill his wife so he could get some money out of her. Stand up gentleman.

Setup

 

Adrian Pasdar guest stars as a Homeland Security agent, called in when a simple homicide may be the beginning of something bigger

Now THIS is how you do a 2 parter episode. I watched this episode last Monday and I’m still anxious to see what’s gonna go down this evening. When a cab driver is found shot and killed in a warehouse, what was originally thought to be a run of the mill homicide turned into a hunt for a terrorist cell with a nuclear bomb. Homeland Security is positive that the cabbie was part of the terrorist cell, so they take over the investigation and go after the guy’s cousin, Jamal. Castle, however, isn’t so convinced that the victim is a bad guy, so he and Beckett start their own investigation to prove his innocence. Of course the Feds don’t love this idea and remove them from the case entirely… but when has that ever stopped our favourite writer/cop combo? So the duo continues to look for Jamal, and they’re lead to a warehouse where the terrorists start a massive shootout. Taking cover in a big ass freezer, Castle and Beckett find Jamal dead on the floor, and then they realize they’re trapped.

Glee

The Sue Sylvester Bowl Shuffle

 

The Thriller/Heads will Roll mash up that everyone was waiting for

Glee returned from winter hiatus with their super-hyped, post superbowl episode featuring the Thriller/Heads will Roll mash up we’ve been hearing about for months. While it wasn’t a massively groundbreaking episode, it was still pretty damn good. When the football team/Glee club fighting has reached a peak, Beiste and Schue decide that the two will combine forces and all of the football team must join Glee Club and perform in the halftime show at the championship game. Of course the guys aren’t too thrilled with this, and once they’re slushied by the hockey team, the footballers call it quits. Meanwhile, Sue is preparing for the cheerleading regionals and has decided that a) Brittany will be shot out of a cannon, even if it kills her and b) regionals should be the same day as the footballs championships, thus making cheerios choose between cheerleading or Glee. Obviously they choose Glee. The football team comes to their senses and joins in the halftime show, which was BOMB. So good. But, even after all of their hard work together, Glee and Football were never meant to mix so they go back to fighting. Oh, and Finn kisses Quinn.

Silly Love Songs

 

The Warblers bring the Valentine's Day spirit

It’s Valentine’s Day, which means everyone’s a little on edge. Finn decides to have a kissing booth, thus giving him an excuse to kiss Quinn, Blaine decides he wants to do a huge musical number to impress a boy he likes and Kurt is devastated when he realizes it’s not him, Puck wants in Lauren’s panties, and Santana is really alone…. So she goes evil bitch on everyone. Well, not everyone, just Quinn and Finn. Using a candy striper uniform and her seduction skills, she manages to give Finn mono just in time for Quinn to visit his kissing booth. Clever lady. Blaine’s musical seduction doesn’t go as well as planned, but Kurt hasn’t given up hope over the holiday and he gets the warblers to sing at Breadsticks for all of his friends.

Comeback

 

Bieber Tribute Band? Sure, why not.

Sue is depressed about losing cheerleading regionals so Emma suggests she joins Glee Club to gain some of her mojo back. Of course Sue isn’t really depressed and she’s set on destroying the Glee Club from within. She pits Mercedes against Rachel in a “Diva Off” and the two rock out to Take Me or Leave Me (aka further proof that Lea Michelle will never be Idina Menzel) and end up being friends anyways. Will decides that Sue should get in touch with her emotional side, so the two go sing for cancer kids…. Holy hell that was sad. Meanwhile, Sam has decided to start a Bieber tribute band, and once the guys see how much the girls love it, they join. Clad in hoodies and Bieber-hair, the boys rock out while the girls go crazy, and Quinn uses this as her decision-maker – she’s going to stay with Sam. Unfortunately, Santana got to the blonde first and told him what’s been going on between Quinn and Finn, so he dumps her in favour of the Latina spitfire. Oh, and Sue is now the coach of Oral Intensity.

Blame It On The Alcohol

 

They promised this would happen during the Britney episode... Brittany finally sings Ke$ha!

Drinking has become a huge problem at McKinley High, and the Glee Club is no exception. When Rachel’s dads leave for the weekend, she hosts a wee shindig that turns into a night of drunken debauchery. Even Mr. Schue gets caught up in the spirit when he and Beiste go out for a night on the town… after which he drunk dials Sue thinking it’s Emma and well, that does not end well for him. Anyways, the school is going to have an alcohol awareness assembly and Glee has been asked to perform. Due to their newfound alcoholism, they’re very nervous about their performance and decide to drink before their performance of Tik Tok. Unfortunately Brit Brit (who is a ROCKSTAR btw) starts to feel the booze a little too early and pukes all over Rachel before telling the school to drink responsibly. While the episode kind of endorsed teen drinking, which may not be the best idea in the world, it was fantastic to see Heather Morris featured so heavily. Have I mentioned how much I love that girl? No? Because I do. A lot.

V

Concordia

 

Anna's throwing a fancy party!

Anna has decided to build a city for both visitors and humans called Concordia. Of course this actually has something to do with killing the humans and breeding everywhere, but we don’t really know what’s going on. Anyway, Anna is going to reveal her master plan for Concordia at a gala, so Erica and her 5^th Column cohorts decide that it’s an opportune time to try and kill the Alien Queen. The plan is to shoot her down while she makes her speech announcing Concordia, but at the last minute, Marcus takes her place. Not wanting to waste this opportunity, The 5^th Column shoots Marcus down, but they now know there’s a traitor in their midst.

Siege

 

Confronting a traitor...

With the knowledge that there’s a traitor among them, Hobbes has come to realize that there are only two possibilities: either Ryan or Erica are the traitor, and since Erica sure as hell didn’t do it, Ryan is their guy. So Hobbes and Eli capture Ryan ad string him up so they can question the dude. Erica, who has been suspended from the FBI due to her shift behaviour the night Marcus got shot, is supposed to be out riding motorcycles with her family, but goes to interrogate Ryan instead. While she’s at Eli’s hideout, the cops show up which could potentially blow her cover. Thinking quickly, Erica poses as Eli’s hostage and demands Eli be let out safely or he’ll kill her. Erica’s ex-husband – who she has recently rekindled feelings with and thus has to die – sees Erica all hostage-y on TV and attempts to come to the rescue, but in the chaos gets himself shot. Speaking of chaos, most of the madness is actually caused by Hobbes, who is told by the V’s that if he doesn’t cause a massive explosion during the rescue attempt, they’ll kill someone close to him. Anyways, Erica is all sad now, her ex is dead, and Tyler is furious because his Dad was killed by a human. Now he is all V, all of the time.

Birth Pangs

 

Erica must gain the trust of the rest of the 5th Column... easier said than done

When the big explosion went down last week, it took Eli Cohn with it. But before he was blown to bits, he named Erica his successor as leader of the Fifth Column. While that is all fine and dandy, Erica now must gain the trust of the rest of Eli’s followers. To do so, she jumps on a plane to Bangkok to find a fertility doctor who treated all of the women who gave birth to sons with wonky DNA like Tyler’s; Erica included. When Erica finds the doc, turns out she’s a V and she runs for it and explodes herself before any questions can be answered. Luckily, she has a crazy safe like Malik did and the team are able to learn some creepy breeding stuff from there. Speaking of creepy breeding, Anna is worried that Tyler’s phosphorus levels aren’t high enough to properly breed with her daughter. So she ups his phosphorus intake (he’s now living on the ship as a member of he pilot training program) and calls in a back up just in case. Lisa, who is becoming more of a slave to her human emotions, is unable to cheat on Tyler and goes to her grandmother for guidance. Now Diana has Lisa in the palm of her hand, and it’s the two against Anna now in a battle of wits and one-liners.

Modern Family

Bixby’s Back

 

Well this can only end well.

It’s Valentines Day, and Clive and Juliana are ready to make a triumphant return to Phil and Clair’s lives. Of course, just like last year, the alter egos don’t lead to a night of sexy fun so much as a night of near arrests and awkward situations after Phil grabs the key to the wrong hotel room. Jay has planned a ridiculously romantic 5-course dinner for Gloria, but in order to make it seem like a surprise, he takes her to a fancy restaurant where he feigns loosing the reservation. After finally getting his wife home, Jay’s fancy dinner isn’t in the kitchen where it was supposed to be. Gloria, in an attempt to “win” Valentine’s Day, moved the dinner to the garage, where Jay’s new motorcycle is sitting and waiting. Mitch and Cam are having a pretty unromantic evening themselves, as they can’t figure out who Mitch’s assistant has a crush on, and of course they can’t let the subject rest.

Princess Party

 

Matt Dillon guest stars as Claire's ex... and Dede's new beau

It’s Lily’s birthday, and to celebrate to things are happening. One, Mitch and Cam are throwing Lily a princess party, and two, Nana is in town, which means fun times for Claire. When it comes to the party, it all goes relatively smoothly except for the fact that Mitch has vetoed Fizbo the Clown, which doesn’t sit well with Cam… but by the end Fizbo is invited to join in the fun and break some tension. The tension, of course, is between Claire and her mother who has suddenly started dating Claire’s high school boyfriend (played hilariously by Matt Dillon). Hilarity ensues.

Regrets Only

 

How do you warm your woman's heart? Buy her cauliflower

Claire and Phil have had a massive fight, but Phil isn’t sure what it was about. While he and Gloria try to figure it out, Jay takes his daughter to the mall to calm down, which she does by getting a massage in public and making noises comparable to Monica’s massage noises. It isn’t pretty. Once the couple has resolved their little tiff, they decide to go visit Haley at work. Unfortunately for Haley, she has been lying to her parents about being employed at a restaurant and has to sit at a table ordering the food that her parents ordered and then delivering it to her parents’ table. It’s a pretty clever rouse. Cam is supposed to be having a fancy shmancy fundraiser that evening, but Mitchell forgot to mail out the invitations. He manages to save the day by bringing a bunch of kids he finds at a music school however, so everything ends well.

Bones

The Daredevil in the Mold

 

Yeah see that yellow stuff at the bottom of the picture? That'd be a moldy body. Mmmm

In a drunken, stupid haze, Sweets decides he doesn’t want to be old and end up like Booth, so he’s going to propose to Daisy. Booth, not wanting to be left behind, decides to propose to Hannah… this can only end well. The murder victim is a daredevil BMX kid, who winds up dead on a roof. While there are plenty of people who would kill him – he’s on the brink of being super famous, has a $4000 bike and is about to become endorsement central – he was actually murdered by a friend. See, the two guys were doing some crazy stunt, and when it didn’t go according to plan, a fight broke out and only the winner walked away. After the case is solved, Booth proposes to Hannah, and she just keeps saying, “I’m not the marrying kind”, and no matter how much Booth charm is poured all over her (that sounds ridiculously dirty) she can’t accept.

The Bikini in the Soup

 

Booth and Brennan - full of Valentine's Day Massacre Spirit

The victim this week is a wedding planner, which is fitting because it’s Valentines Day. She was found dead in her apartment, and the suspects are: her ex-husband, her business partner, the father of the bride of the wedding she’s currently planning, or a random B&E. And we all know it’s never B&E. The team has exactly 8 hours and 22 minutes to solve the murder so Cam can get to her Valentine’s Day plans with Paul on time. Of course this is no problem for the Jeffersonian squad, even with Hodgins getting sidetracked trying to find Ang a gift, Brennan turning down multiple Valentine’s Day suitors, or Clark over sharing about his love life. Turns out the ex-husband was so angry his wife was giving half of the business to her business partner and not him, he killed her… which really did nothing for him because a dead lady can’t change her mind. Anyways, Booth and Brennan are the only two without Valentine’s Day plans, so they spend the evening shooting 1920’s style machine guns (which seem to have a never ending supply of bullets) in a shooting range. So romantic.

The Big Bang Theory

The Benefactor Factor

 

Jessica Walter (and Josh Malina... not pictured) guest star this week on Big Bang

The university is in need of funding again, which means it’s time for a fundraiser. The president of the school, Dr. Sebert (guest star Josh Malina… love love love love) has asked that our favourite nerds show up to impress the donors. With their social skills, it’s no surprise the evening isn’t a complete success, however Leonard did manage to impress one woman: Mrs. Latham (Jessica Walters… love love love love love). Although he may have impressed her too much as now she just wants to sleep with him. As the woman can guarantee some amazing new equipment for the physics department, and promises she’s astounding in bed, Leonard goes for it.

The Cohabitation Formulation

 

Priya is back in town and back with Leonard. Sheldon and Raj have been happier.

Priya is back in town, and much to Raj’s dismay, she’s back in Leonard’s arms. While Raj attempts to squash this budding relationship, his “that is forbidden” attempts are incredibly ineffective. Amy Farrah Fowler tells Penny that she’s ok to be upset by the fact that her ex-boyfriend has found someone brilliant and beautiful, and it’s not until Amy Farrah Fowler mentions this does Penny realize she may not be completely over Leonard. Meanwhile, Howard and Bernadette decide to move in together… until Bernadette realizes how misogynistic and dependent on his mother Howard is. If I was her, I’d be running for the hills so fast.

The Toast Derivation

 

Sheldon attempts to make a new group of friends... it works really well

Leonard and the gang have started spending a lot of time of Raj’s house, which is messing with Sheldon’s social schedule. In an attempt to get back at his friends for abandoning him, Sheldon invites Stewart, Barry, and Zack over for a fun night in… but it results in the 3 guys getting hammered and singing karaoke while Sheldon runs over to Raj’s to forgive his actual friends. Amy Farrah Fowler and Bernadette are convinced that Penny must be bummed about Pria, so they decide to take her out for a girl’s night. Penny is reluctant at first, but after looking at the snowflake from the North Pole that Leonard gave her, she decides getting hammered and randomly hooking up with some guy can’t be the worst idea in the world.

Greys

P.Y.T. (Pretty Young Thing)

 

Thatcher's got a new play thing! Lexie is gonna be thrilled.

The chief has asked Meredith to take on a diabetes study her mother’s research has presented to them, saying he wouldn’t feel right unless she was on board with the study. This means that Mer has a big decision ahead of her: Diabetes or Alzheimer’s? As if dealing with the ghost of her mother wasn’t enough, Thatcher Grey has been admitted to SG/MW and he brought a toy new girlfriend… a hot, tattooed, blonde who is probably the same age as Lexie. Lexie freaks out, and after having a discussion with Avery about what’s upsetting her (he’s being bribed by Mark to figure out why Lexie’s sad), she realizes she’s being a bitch and makes up with her new mommy. Callie, Mark, and Arizona are having a fight over Callie’s pregnant coffee intake, the result of which is a very grumpy, uncaffinated ortho surgeon. Callie and Owen are working on a guy who decided to throw himself into a wall for jokes on youtube and neither of the docs are impressed by it. Alex is thrown off of his case by the hot, new, OB, after insensitively calling a brain-dead baby “a turnip in the cabbage patch”, but when she sees how much he cares about his patient anyways, she realizes he isn’t all bad. At the end of the ep, Mer decides to choose the disease that took her mother, rather than the one that fascinated her, but gives the chief permission to go ahead with her research anyways.

Golden Hour

 

An hour in the life of Mer in the ER... looks calm and collected to me

It’s gimmicky episode week on Grey’s! This time, it’s real time… let’s see what Mer’s life is like over one hour in the ER. Of course this is the same hour leading up to a very important basketball game, so the patients are either drunk and stupid (a guy with a knife in his head who maintains the ability to walk and talk), or desperate to get to the game (a Dad who promised to take his son but ends up with a shredded aorta and dies on the table. Super sad by the way). Alex is in the latter group of people, but when a kid shows up with a tibia fracture and no one has the time to look at him, he gives up his ticket to Avery to look after the kid, and Avery asks Lexie to go to the game with him. The last patient Meredith sees this evening is Mrs. Webber herself, who took a stumble but can’t seem to get her story straight. While Mer thinks it may be early onset dementia, the chief refuses to believe there’s anything wrong with his wife.

Not Responsible

Is this the newest on-call room relationship? Because if so... *shiver*

 

The fertility drugs that Meredith is pumping herself full of are starting to have some side effects… mainly: she can’t see right. But being the responsible surgeon that she is, she continues to go to work. This week she’s all over the Alzheimer’s study, tending to a family who’s just learning to cope with the mother’s disease. Unfortunately the attention to the mother has left the son’s needs a little neglected, and when Mer sees a lump on the kid’s throat, she calls in Robbins for assistance. Now, since Robbins is no longer the attending, she can’t just swap around her surgeries without Stark approval. He’s fine with her surgery swapping but insists she calls CPS to take the boy from his clearly neglectful parents. The docs beg him to reconsider, and it’s finally April that gets through to his stone cold heart. She gets to him so much in fact, that he asks her out for dinner… she says yes. Speaking of stone cold hearts, Teddy showed a bit of hers this week when she learns that her CF patient, about to get new lungs, is dating another CF patient. I was unaware of this, but apparently Cystic Fibrosis peeps are only contagious to one another… meaning that by maintaining this relationship, buddy would ruin his new lungs. So Teddy gives him an ultimatum: new lungs or the girlfriend. He chooses the lungs, and the breakup is heartbreaking. However watching how much the kids love each other gets Lexie and Avery thinking a bit and the two of them end up in a shower together by the end of the episode. The other patient this week is Mrs. Weber again. The chief tells Bailey that it’s her job to figure out what’s wrong with his wife, and when she finds nothing physical, she suggests that he get Shepherd to take a peek.

A TV Week in Review 1/30 – 2/6

Well this is officially the most delayed week in review as of let. Massive failure on my part, and for that I do apologize. In my defense, I did work over 60 hours last week, and combine that with constant, weather related headaches, it doesn’t leave a lot of time for writing. But, here we are, it’s finally done, and hopefully I’ll have last week’s up in a more punctual manner… but it is me, so I can’t make any promises.